In Honor of Mother's Day

I recieved this in an e-mail and thought it ws too funny and true to not share.

I owe my Mother
1. My mother taught me To Appreciate a Job Well Done:
"If your going to kill each other do it outside I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me religion:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet"

3. My mother taught me about time travel:
"If you don't straighten up I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."

4. My mother taught me logic:
"Because I said so that's why"

5. My mother taught me foresight:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident"

6. My mother taught me irony:
"Keep crying and I"ll give you something to cry about"

7. My mother taught me osmosis:
"Shut your mouth and eat you supper"

8. My mother taught me about weather:
"This room looks like a tornado went through it"

9. My mother taught me about the circle of life:
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out..."

10. My mother taught me about behavior modification:
"stop acting like your father"

11. My mother taught me about envy:
"There are millions of children less fortunate in this world who don't have parents as wonderful as you do."

12. My mother taught me about anticipation:
"Just wait until your father gets home!"

13. My mother taught me about recieving:
"You are going to get it when you get home..."

14. My mother taught me about science:
"If you don't stop crossong your eyes they will get stuck that way"

15. My mother taught me humor:
"When that lawn mower takes your toes off don't come running to me..."

16. My mother taught me genetics:
"you are acting just like you father..."

17. My mother taught me about my roots:
"shut that door...what were you brought up in a barn?"

18. My mother taught me about wisdom:
"When you get to be my age you'll understand"

19. My mother taught me to enjoy the ride:
"don't make me pull this car over..."

20. My mother taught me patience:
"sit there until I say you can get up..."